The last part in November’s 3-part series on quality time is spending quality time with family. Especially with the holidays upon us, I thought it fitting to discuss the importance of spending quality time with our family and how to do it without losing your mind.
The thought of the stress that seems to strike this time of year reminds me of a quote from one of our family’s favorite movies, Christmas Vacation, where Clark asks his dad, “how did you do it all those years?” to which his dad responds, “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”
I chuckle a bit every time I hear it because although I don’t rely on Jack, Jim, or Captain to help me through the holidays, I do know first-hand how stressful these times can be and see the humor behind his point.
All of us can be so occupied in our lives, whether overrun by work or busy chasing our dreams, that we struggle to make time for our family. A family is one of the most significant assets you could ask for; hence, why spending time with loved ones is essential. No matter how busy you are, your family needs you the same way you need them. Spending quality time with your family will help you strengthen your bond, understand one another, and create lasting memories… but how to do it without creating more stress and overwhelm?
We’ve all heard time and time again – “Spending quality time with your family is important” However, most people fail to recognize that the keyword here is ‘quality’ not ‘time.’ You can spend hours and hours of family time, but it’s how you spend this time that matters. In simple terms, quality triumphs over quantity every single time.
Here are a few reasons why spending quality time with your family is essential:
- To Strengthen Your Bond
Spending dedicated time with your family will help strengthen relationships with one another—children, young and old, need to feel like they belong. A sense of belonging is why people form groups and befriend others. Adults require a sense of belonging, too.
We are social beings, and spending quality time with our family makes each person feel like they’re a part of something special. This sense of belonging reduces stress as it makes you happy and content to be with your loved ones.
- To Impart Your Values
Children need to be nurtured and guided as they learn and grow- from school age to teenage and even into young adulthood. Spending time with your family helps you share and teach your values to them. Young children are like sponges and soak of everything they see and hear. If you don’t share your values with them, someone will, and you want them to learn from you, not other outside influences. Also, making memories helps them realize it’s the little things in life that matter.
- To Show Them They’re Important
Your family needs you, and when you get super busy, it’s easy for them to feel like they don’t matter to you. Whether you know it or not, young children crave your attention. And teens, even though they are more aloof at times, they need your attention, guidance, and just talk, too. Being there for them, not just for achievements but also when they’re down in the dumps, helps them feel like they’re important to you and that you care about them.
- To Learn New Things
Honestly, there’s nothing better than being there for your family member’s first things. Whether it’s horseback riding with your daughter… carnival rides with your son… learning country line dancing with your sister… or going to the beach with your cousin… discovering something new and experiencing it through their eyes brings more enjoyment, creates lasting memories, and stronger bonds.
Spending time with your family includes discussions on what’s in the news, the latest “thing” they’re interested in, and sharing their long tales from the goings-on at school. My youngest son comes home with a story almost every day… sometimes it’s something he needs to spout off about, and sometimes it’s a story about something funny or outrageous that happened at school today.
Sidenote: He came home one time and was trying to tell me his story for the day, and I was multitasking, so it seemed to him that I wasn’t listening… until he said, “I know you’re busy. I’ll tell you later.” Ooof, that stung. I’m never too busy to listen but it appeared to him that I was. That day I decided that he was more important to me than whatever I was doing. So now, I stop what I’m doing and listen. He knows I care, and he matters. He still shares his daily stories, and that’s amazing because he’s almost 18 years old.
- To Teach How to Handle Life’s Ups and Downs
Open communication allows you to celebrate with them on accomplishments and offer support when life gets tough. Dealing with disappointments can be challenging and even heartbreaking at times, but allowing them space to talk it out, share their feelings, and offer gentle advice will only strengthen your bond.
Remember, they’re going through something, and no one likes to be “told” what to do. Maybe relate a story of your own in a similar situation and how you handled it. If you could’ve handled it better… share that, too. It shows you’re not perfect, and then share how you wished you’d taken care of it.
Ask questions to help them come to their own conclusions instead of telling them what you would do. Remember, it’s all in the delivery. Spending this quality time together will help you show you’re on this journey together, and it shows them they matter to you.
- To Deepen Understanding
Spending quality time with your family strengthens your familial bond and helps you get to know them on a deeper level. Understanding what they love, what makes them tick, pet peeves, and fears give you insight into your loved one that you would not have if you didn’t make the time. Plus, they get to know you in the same way. Developing understanding through spending more time together enhances your relationship, reinforces that they matter, and expands your feelings of genuine caring.
Now that we have the why let’s talk about the how. We often feel like spending quality time with one another has to be a big thing or cost money. The truth is most of what you can do together is simple, easy and low-cost, and many times…Free! Some take a little planning, while others none at all.
Try these 12 Ideas for Spending Quality Time With Your Family
- Turn off electronics
Your time with your family is precious and limited. The goal is to spend quality time with them and to do so uninterrupted. Answering texts or calls, especially work-related, should be the last thing you do when you’re spending time with your family. So, switch off your phones, laptop, and tablet and focus on each other and the moments you’re creating.
Some days, especially when my kids get grumpy toward each other, I insist on a no electronics day. I feel that once the video or phone games or the people in the phone become more important – to the point of snapping at me or each other – that they need a break from it. And usually, I’m right.
Once the grumbling and sulking die down, I find the kids engage more with each other and me. Without the constant stimuli and distraction, they want to play cards, chess, or get creative together… doing crafts, putting together Legos, making cookies… you name it. Turning off electronics (yep, even the television) gives them space to think and refocus on the people face-to-face with them instead of the little needy distraction box in their hands. We often reflect on how much fun and enjoyment we gain from this time together.
- Read a book
Storytime is always a favorite of little ones. Reading intrigues their curiosity and engages their imagination. Developing the daily habit of reading is a positive way to expand knowledge, creativity and spend quality time together. Your family will come to know this time as a special time with you.
Pick a good book to read, maybe a big one that’s too complicated for them to read, but the storyline is excellent. You can discuss what you read and engage their minds even more. Reading together strengthens your bond with your family and helps them (and you) learn and grow. When my children were little, our family favorites were the Arthur Adventures and Little Critter (Just Me and…) book series. We switched to The Chronicles of Narnia (aka The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe), and the Harry Potter book series as they got older.
Once my kids were teens, we would read the same chapter of the same book to ourselves and then spend time discussing the scene, plot, characters, and our opinions. Even though we’ve seen the movies a million times, the books offer so much more in the story to engage their thoughts and deepen the storyline they already are familiar with. Thus, expanding their minds and deepening the conversation. Need several copies? Hit up your local libraries to find more than one copy.
- Plan a monthly outing
You plan it with your girlfriends, so hey, why not with your family? Once a month, devote time to take a field trip, picnic, or hike. And for more adventure, when planning the annual vacation, pick a place you’ve never been before. Take in the local scenery, cuisine, and community.
Our family loves road trips… Need ideas? Check out 11 U.S. Road Trips Kids Should Experience Before They Grow Up. Traveling to visit new places can be exciting and fun. Plus, it’s a spectacular way to spend quality time with your family and give you lots to talk about.
When planning outings locally, we like to go to the art museum, the zoo, the nature, and the science museum or walk the street mall in the city. There’s always something going on in the surrounding towns — corn, strawberry, music festivals, or local food and music celebrations. Where we live, there are several times a year that we have “Stampede” days. Check your local paper or online calendar of your town.
Getting outdoors is good for your mental health, too. Walking trails and hiking in the foothills are great ways to enjoy the outdoors and engage in conversation. If you like fishing, find a nearby stream, lake, or even the beach. Some of the best memories my kids and I have is surf fishing with my dad. They’re almost grown but still love fishing with Grandpa at the beach and look forward to it whenever we visit. They also love hunting shells on the beach with Grammie and digging for sand fleas to fish with in the receding tidewater.
- Get moving
Working out with your family members can be a lot of fun and is a win-win situation. Grab a gym membership with your sister or mom, join a kickboxing class or simply, work out at home with light weights, dance, or workout videos.
Teaching your kids to exercise can be fun. Start by teaching simple exercises and stretches like yoga or pilates, situps, pushups and running in place. Little ones love to imitate what they see and love being on the floor. Once they get the hang of it, they’ll anticipate the fun of exercising while spending time with you.
- Prioritize mealtime
Whether it’s breakfast or dinner, try to prioritize having meals together as a family. As schedules get busier and kids get older, it becomes more challenging, but research has consistently shown that having a meal together can positively impact kids. Even if you can only have dinner together once or twice a week, it’s better than nothing at all. Enjoy a meal together, share your thoughts and feelings, and spend quality time.
While around the dinner table, we have a strict no phones policy… adults included. No one is to bring their phone to the table… Nope, not even tucked under your leg. It’s more challenging as they’ve gotten older because of the FOMO connected with the intrusion device, but it does get confiscated without argument if it’s pulled out. You are helping your family know that this time together is meaningful. It eliminates distraction, opens up communication with each other, and shuts out the people in the box.
- Cook a meal
There’s nothing better than hanging out in the kitchen, and cooking is a great family-oriented activity. Most of my kids love to cook, and for those who don’t quite enjoy it as much, they certainly love to eat! Hanging out in the kitchen produces much more than fantastic food. It creates teamwork, open communication, and fun. There’s always laughter, jokes, and silliness that ensues in the kitchen.
You can cook a new dish each time… we’ve found many great recipes in The Joy of Cooking, or you can stick to traditional, tried and true family recipes. My mother-in-law loves to cook. She has a bookshelf full of cookbooks from around the world. Often the family gets together for dinner, not knowing what the “theme” would be this time. No matter the cuisine, it’s always a fun time in the kitchen around her large table for twelve. It’s become one of the family’s most favorite times.
- Play games
Family game nights were a favorite when my kids were younger. From card games like Uno or Go Fish to board games such as Chutes & Ladders to Candy Land, there was always tons of laughter and silliness. The games evolved as the kids got older, but the laughter and zaniness ensued with their mix of personalities.
Now, we enjoy games like Apples to Apples, Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit, and What Do You Meme. And I love hearing the chatter, laughter, and how they all forget everything else and are just all-in while playing the games.
- After dinner walk
There’s just something enchanting about nighttime, don’t you think? The calm silence, the blanket of the night sky and the surrealness of your surroundings is all so peaceful.
After dinner is the best time to go for a walk. Between eating and going to bed, commit to walk (or mosey) down the deserted neighborhood streets. Take your whole family along. Use night LED bracelets, walking lights, or glow sticks for safety and fun. Stay connected and just enjoy your time! Talk to one another along the way. Make plans for tomorrow, the weekend, and the future.
- Movie night
Many people love going to the movies, and I know families that have built traditions around it. While those are great, I’m talking about a stay-at-home family movie night. With popcorn, snuggled on the couch together under blankets and watching your favorite family flicks or the newest release that you’ve been dying to see.
Our favorite go-to’s are the Harry Potter or Fantastic Beasts Series, James Bond films, and other childhood cartoon favorites like Monsters, Inc. or Ice Age. During the holidays, we always watch the animated How the Grinch Stole Christmas and, as mentioned, Christmas Vacation. Family movie night allows you to spend special quality time plus gives the ability to pause for bathroom breaks, so you don’t miss a thing.
- Volunteer
Doing good deeds for people helps someone else in need and makes you feel good. There’s no shortage of needs in every community. All you need to do is search right in your own backyard. We’ve done various volunteer activities, especially with Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts over the years and many others. From local food drives, One Warm Coat*, Project Linus**, picking up trash around the lake for months after a mammoth tornado rolled through our town, planting trees in the community (after same event), or playing with cats and walking dogs at the local shelter, there are opportunities for all ages.
(*One Warm Coat provides free coats to children and adults in need- find your local contact. **Project Linus supplies new handmade blankets to children in the hospital or in need- find your local contact.)
And as mentioned in the suggestion of volunteering in part tow of this series, 9 Ways to Spend Quality Time with Your Friends, there’s no shortage of local organizations and ideas right in your own community.
This holiday, consider visiting a senior home or nursing facility and singing Christmas carols. Make holiday cards, grab some candy canes, and deliver them while singing. Seeing young faces, hearing holiday songs, and receiving a small token of holiday cheer always adds a personal touch and brings a welcoming smile to some who don’t have family visits.
(A fun idea on how to make inexpensive, homemade cards for your group to hand out:
We use the decorative first page glued to a piece of construction paper or card stock and write a note on the back. Often, I’d type a message and have the whole troop sign one single piece of paper. Then, I’d scan it in and print it off to add to the inside of the construction paper card.) At the end of the holiday season, I save our Christmas cards for the next year.
The choice is yours, just make sure that you spend quality time there and together. Your visit will bring a smile to the faces of the people who need to smile more often. Helping others will instill a sense of gratitude and love in all your family members.
- Clean up
Indoors or outdoors sharing family clean-up instills values and teaches kids to value their space. Look for ways to maximize your family’s time when completing chores.
Make cleaning fun by putting on music, finding old socks, letting the little ones ice skate and slide along the floor with old soapy socks, or having a contest by setting a timer. When my children were small, they loved The Big Comfy Couch.
The main character, Loonette, always made a mess of her living room and couch while telling stories by digging out things from within. At the end of her stories, she stands up on the couch and announces, “Hey, who made this big mess?… Me? Well, it’s time for the 10-second tidy.” And off she went to clean up her mess in ten seconds. My kids loved the 10-second tidy, and it worked amazingly over and over again.
Set expectations upfront to minimize grumbling. Even small children can pick up toys, clear dishes, or take the trash and boxes to the curb. Helping them learn the value of cleaning up together will benefit them (and you) as they get older, knowing they can be self-sufficient and that there’s not always going to be someone to pick up after them.
- Special days
Nothing’s better than a snow day. It’s not often that events get rained out or school‘s canceled due to snow, but take advantage of the unexpected time together when it does happen.
Indoors you can plan rainy-day activities (cards, games, or chess), bake cookies, make indoor s’mores, spend the day in your jammies snacking and working on a puzzle, or binge-watch favorite TV shows. Think about the fun of making homemade pizza, doing crafts (holiday ornaments or construction paper towns), decorating a gingerbread house while trying to have enough of the candies left to put on the house… I always buy extra. Think about making your own snacks like dehydrated apples, snack mix, or caramel popcorn.
Outdoor activities on these days can include finding a hill and sledding down in the freshly fallen snow, building a snowman or snow caves if it’s deep enough (always a favorite). And an all-time favorite of my kids is dancing in the rain. It’s exhilarating, and they love getting soaked. I love watching them dance around, be silly, and laugh with each other. The point is that you spend time together as a family.
Whatever you endeavor, planning is the key. Spending quality time together doesn’t have to seem like a chore… actually, it’s an opportunity to bring your family closer together and build bonds that last a lifetime. Having people in your life who you love is a privilege and a blessing. Don’t take this time for granted. Make time to spend time with your family to strengthen your bond, create memories and find joy in the little things.
If you missed part one of this series, 9 Ways to Spend Quality Time with Friends, or part two, 6 Ways To Spend Quality Time With Yourself, you can check them out with the links provided.
Have ideas on how you spend quality time with your family? I’d love to hear them! Send me an email or PM me on Facebook.
If this stresses you out, I’d love to discuss how you can accomplish all of this and more in your life without feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or guilty. Schedule a Free 45-minute Breakthrough Call today. During the call, you’ll discover why you think this way, and we can work to create a plan specific to your needs to stop feeling this way.
If you’re not sure where to start, this free call can help you create a SOLID and CLEAR game plan to help you get focused on what matters most in a way that’s sustainable and fits your needs, as well as the lifestyle you want for yourself.
Have a Blessed Holiday Season.
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